What You Do Not Need To Be Happy!

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.  You will never truly live if you are forever looking for the meaning of life.”


―Albert Camus―

This summer we had my nephew and his wife over our house to spend a week with us.  They have two wonderful kids, one girl age 6 and one boy age 3.  One afternoon we were in my “man cave” where I have guitars, drums, and assorted makers of joy in my life.  They wanted to play the drums.  I have two kits set up, one digital and one acoustic.  I sat them down at their respective thrones and cranked up War’s “Low Rider” on the stereo (full volume).  They had a blast pounding away at the drums and surprisingly showed great musical promise!  This reminded me of how, as children, we need very little to make us happy.

As adults we somehow grow into the belief that we need everything to be a certain way in order to find and appreciate moments of happiness.  But the truth is, to be happy we need much less than we think we need.  In fact, I believe one of the best feelings comes when you realize that you can be perfectly OK and happy without the things you once thought you needed.  And that’s precisely what this short article is about – the things you do NOT need to be happy:

Ideal circumstances

The happiest people do not live with a certain set of circumstances, but rather with a certain set of attitudes.  Choosing to be positive and grateful for what you have now is going to determine how you’re going to live the rest of your life.  So look for something positive today, right now!  Even if you have to look a little harder than usual, it still exists.

Ultimately, your greatest achievements are moments in time when what you’re doing allows you to see how wonderful your life already is.

Everyone’s approval

The biggest prison you will likely ever live in is your fear of what other people think.

You cannot let other people tell you who you are or what you want.  You have to decide that for yourself.  When you’re making big decisions, remember, what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people think of you.  Don’t let others make you feel guilty for living your life.  It’s YOUR life.  As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, live it YOUR way.

Fulfillment and success in life lie in your ability to use your entire mind to achieve your goals, dreams and desires.  Take sufficient time to spend with yourself, without external interference.  You’re worth it.

A perfect past

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your present and future?  Let go, forgive and move forward.  Just because the past didn’t turn out like you had hoped, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you had envisioned.  In fact, we often grow stronger in the places we were once broken.  Because it’s not until you’re broken for a while that you truly learn what you’re made of on the inside.  And this insight gives you the ability to rebuild yourself, stronger than ever before.

Most of the time the only difference between long-term happiness and long-term despair is not quitting on you.  As long as you are breathing it’s never too late.  Today is a new beginning.

Full control of life’s constant changes

Life is constantly changing and we’re changing with it.  We’re not the same person we were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  Life’s cycle doesn’t stop.  Change is what it’s all about.  But every ending is the beginning of something else.  Every exit is an entry somewhere else.  Live, learn, and let go.  Don’t hold yourself down with the changes you can’t control.

Although some forces are out of your control, you can control how you react to things.  Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether you’re happy or not depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  The best thing you can do is to let go of what you can’t control, and invest your energy in the things you can.  Live simply, love generously, speak truthfully, breathe deeply, do your best, and leave the rest to the powers above you

A carefree, stress-free life

Great challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.  Don’t wait until everything is just right; it will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.  So what!  Get started now!  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more skilled, more confident, and more successful.

Shout it:  “I am determined to live a happy life no matter my challenges!  I will turn all my tales of fury into tales of glory!  I will turn all of my tales of woe into tales of WOW!”  And no matter what happens, just do your best and appreciate what you’re learning.  You won’t enjoy your life if you don’t enjoy your challenges.

All the things you don’t have

You are right here, right now, with what you have, breathing.  Enjoy it.  You’ve got nothing to do today except to smile.

Happiness is valuing what you have, and enjoying the people, places, objects and events in your life for what they are.  It’s not about changing and achieving all the time; sometimes it’s about being and appreciating.  And you can nearly always enjoy the things you have and the events happening around you if you make up your mind determinedly that you will.

A mountain of money

If we counted our blessings more often, instead of our money, we would be a lot richer.  Keep money on your mind but out of your heart.  Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life for yourself.  Cultivate your spiritual growth.  The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.

▪                Happiness formula = Do your best and appreciate what you have.

▪                Unhappiness formula = Compare yourself to others and the things they have.

It’s nice to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s also important to make sure you haven’t lost track of the things that money can’t buy.  You don’t need a lot of money to lead a rich life.  Good friends and a loving family are worth their weight in gold.  It really is the little things that mean the most… like a long hug at just the right time

An event happening in another time and place

Make your time count.  Do not wish your moments away.  Do not ruin today by focusing on another time and place.  There is only now; realize how rich you are in it.

Right now you are creating history – your legacy.  Don’t let life slip by without being aware of it.  Life works in a strange way:  You want something and you work and wait and work and wait, and feel like it’s taking forever to come.  Then it happens and it’s over and all you want to do is relive all the great memories you made along the way.

Happiness is the journey.  Open your eyes.  Don’t miss it.

Constant happiness

The bottom line is that you can’t be happy unless you’re unhappy sometimes.  Living a life is imperfect, and the utopian world of constant happiness in not natural, nor should you expect it.

In the short-term, your mood will fluctuate, but it is your ability to realize and deal with these fluctuations that allows you to maintain long-term happiness.  Any fool can be happy when times are good.  It takes a strong soul with real heart to develop smiles out of situations that make most people weep.  But it is possible.

Live every day of your life in full.  Experience the highs and the lows, the positives and the negatives, and all the moods present between the various extremes.  Don’t focus on simply being happy.  Focus on living a well rounded, seasoned life.  Focus on achieving completeness.  Yes, happiness is part of this completeness, but so are sadness, difficulty, frustration, and failure.  And overcoming these latter points supports your personal growth far more than constant happiness!

Being Discontented is a Choice

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”


―Abraham Lincoln―

Everyone experiences an unhappy mood on occasion, but there is a big difference between experiencing a temporary bout of unhappiness and living a habitually unhappy life.  That’s what chronically unhappy people do.  And although many of these people are afraid to admit it, a vast majority of their unhappiness stems from their own beliefs and behaviors.

Even if you are generally a happy person, take a look at the list below.  Many of the unhappy people initially refused to admit that they carried these beliefs and behaviors, even when the evidence stacked against them was undeniable.  See if any of these points are keeping you from experiencing greater amounts of joy.

1.  They struggle with self-respect.

Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.  Be your own best friend.  Trust your inner spirit and follow your instincts.  Accept who you are completely, the good and the bad, and make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the right thing to do, for YOU.

Be the person you will be happy to live with for the duration of your life.  Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self-worth.  Know that our first and last love is always self-love, and that if you can’t love and respect yourself; because no one else will be able to either.

2.  They are self-conscious about what others think of them.

The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom and peace of mind.  In fact, you can end half your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you want.

You have to put your life in your own hands.  Others may be able hold your happiness hostage temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

3.  They are holding on to old grudges.

You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart.  Life is far too short to be spent in nursing bitterness and registering wrongs.  Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are confident enough to stand on their own two legs and move on.

In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.  Nothing empowers your ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.

4.  The routines they follow imprison them.

Remember that the way you’ve always done it isn’t the only way.  It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re 70 is not having consumed enough laughter in your 20s, or not having bought enough $6 lattes from Starbucks, or not having frequented the same restaurant for years.  But the regret of missing out on opportunities is a real, toxic feeling.

The bottom line is that you’ve figured out drinking and going out.  You’ve had enough lattes.  It’s time to figure something else out.  Every corner you turn or street you walk down has a new experience waiting for you.  You just have to see the opportunity and be adventurous enough to run with it.

5.  There’s a lot they can’t control (even though they try).

Life is often unpredictable.  Some of the great moments in your life won’t necessarily be the things you do; they’ll be things that happen to you.  That doesn’t mean you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life.  You have to take action, and you will.  But don’t forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change in an instant – for better or worse.

To an extent, the universe has a plan that’s always in motion.  A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain – it’s a scary thought, but it’s part of life’s cycle.  All these little parts of the machine, constantly working – sometimes forcing you to struggle, and sometimes making sure you end up exactly in the right place at the right time.

6.  They let their fears numb them from life’s goodness.

“Numbing” is any activity that you use to desensitize your feelings so that you don’t experience vulnerability or hurt.  But by numbing yourself to vulnerability, you also numb yourself to love, belonging, empathy, creativity, adventure and all of life’s goodness.

Remember, every worthwhile venture in life – intimacy, friendship, a new business, etc. – is scary.  These things are inherently risky.  They are unsafe.  These things aren’t for the faint of heart.  They take courage.  And most importantly, they can’t coexist with fear.  When you open up to life’s greatest opportunities and joys it means you’re also giving life the opportunity to break your heart, but trusting that it won’t… that the risk is well worth the reward.

7.  They are addicted to avoiding themselves in the present moment.

This is something we all struggle with sometimes.  It’s also the root cause of nearly all of our unhappiness.

One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, alcohol, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.

We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like to escape from being.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.

And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.  The bottom line is that we are all addicted to avoiding ourselves.  Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.  So begin today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.

8.  The grass isn’t greener anywhere else.

If you feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something happening somewhere else, you’re not alone.  We all feel this way sometimes – like the grass is greener somewhere else at this very moment.  But let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all.  You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something wonderful might be happening elsewhere.

So let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment.  Celebrate the perhaps not so insignificant fact that you are alive right now.  This moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect.  Take a deep breath, smile, and notice the green grass under your own two feet.

Eliminating the Poor Choices in Life

“We become what we repeatedly do.”
―Aristotle

Are you tired of dealing with the same type of grief over and over and over again?

If so, it’s time to purge a few bad habits.  It’s time to learn from your mistakes rather than be conquered by them, and let your errors be of commission rather than omission.

It’s time to cut out the habits that have been holding you back, change the tune, clean the house, and get rid of the dust and dirt.  Stop denying yourself a fair chance at a good life.  Stop being who you were, and become who you truly are.

When you stop doing the wrong things, the right things start happening.  Take the following habits and flip the switch:

1.  Keeping all the pressure of your thoughts inside you.

Even if someone has known you for your entire life, it is impossible for him or her to know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling.  They can’t feel something for you or know exactly how your mind is processing thoughts.  They could invest every bit of their energy over the course of their entire lifetime in an attempt to achieve this understanding, but in the end they would fall short.

This is precisely why you need to open up and speak your mind to a supportive confidant who will listen to you without judgment.  Only then will they get a momentary, unfiltered glimpse into your soul.  Only then will you feel the pressure of your thoughts subside.

If you feel extremely stressed or even a bit depressed, then you’re likely feeling very alone.  It’s vital that you talk to someone who is sympathetic, whether this person is your spouse, parent, sibling, a good therapist, or just a trusted friend.  So many people suffer in silence and feel that they would be a burden to others if they spoke up about their troubling thoughts.

Understand that your mental health is vital and everyone needs a helping hand and a listening ear sometimes.  In fact, helping one another is a big part of what makes us human, so opening up and asking for assistance is one way of enabling someone close to you to realize their own humanity.

2.  Holding “you” to impossible standards.

Be fair to yourself.  Perfectionism is a trap.  Your expectations need to expand and contract as circumstances in your life change.  When you learn to give yourself a break and feel okay about not being able to live up to impossible standards, then you can begin to get the worry-free rest your mind and body so badly need.

You will always be perfectly imperfect just the way you are, wherever you are.  Instead of berating yourself for falling short, give yourself credit for making progress.  Grow as you go.  Let go of how things “should be” so you can see all the great possibilities in front of you.

It’s also important to note that there’s no such thing as perfect happiness, just as there’s no such thing as perfect despair.  This is why trying to be perfect is an exercise in futility.  What does exist, however, is a continuous series of imperfect moments in your life filled with infinite possibilities and opportunities for you to interpret them and do with them as you please.

You can pave the road you travel with doubt and despair or hope and happiness.  It’s your choice.  Either way, you will someday arrive at the same destination.  The only question is:  Do you want to arrive with a frown or a smile?

3.  Always going and going and going…

When you get too caught up in the busyness of your daily routine, you lose connection with the important people in your life, and yourself.  You end up filling all your waking hours, and then you fool yourself into believing you are relaxing when you’re merely moving from one of your daily labors to the next.

Relaxation is the key to mental and physical recovery.  Stopping for a while and taking time to relax when you feel like things are getting out of control will gradually allow your mind and body to feel restored and reenergized again, thus allowing you to reconnect with the right inner mindset and the people and things that matter most to you.

How do you relax?  There are many ways, but the foundation of all of them is focused breathing.  Your breath is the bridge between your life circumstances and your consciousness; it unites your body and your thoughts.  Whenever your thinking becomes scattered with the worries and stress of busyness, use your breath as the means to take hold of your thoughts again.  Just breathe, be present, and do your best with what’s in front of you.

4.  Changing nothing and expecting different results.

There’s a saying that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  If you want to improve yourself, you have to try new things to see what works and what doesn’t.

If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Inspiration is great, but it must be met by dedicated action.  Changes must be invoked and implemented.  The difference between what is impossible and possible for you lies in what you do and how determined you are.

Often the difference between a successful person and a person who struggles to implement positive changes is not one’s superior abilities, but the courage that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take calculated risks, and to take steady steps forward.  In other words, some people sit and wait for the magic beans to arrive while the rest of us just get up and get to work.

So ask yourself:  What’s going to be different today?  How do you want your life to be from here on out?

5.  Procrastinating and then doing 99 things at once.

Do you plan your days?  Did you wake up today knowing what you wanted to accomplish?  If not, maybe it’s time you do.

The way you spend your time defines who you are.  You don’t get to choose how you are going to die or when; you can only decide how you are going to live right now.  Trust me, a year from now you will wish you had managed your time properly today.

What would you regret not accomplishing this year?  What would you regret doing an abysmal job at, simply because you waited until the last minute and then rushed around doing 99 things at once?  Create a plan and get started today.

Planning doesn’t have to be long and tedious; it can just be a 60 second process.  Every night, think about a few small things that you want to accomplish tomorrow and write them down.  When you wake up the next morning, review this list before you do anything else, and then take the first step.

Remember, we only have two choices when we wake up in the morning:  either we go back to sleep and dream, or we wake up and chase a dream.  In the end it doesn’t matter what you’re thinking, it matters what you’re doing.  Whatever you want to accomplish, it’s time to get started now.

6.  Ignoring the people you love.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to put the most important people on the back burner, because you know they’ll wait for you.  Right?

Wrong.  Your important relationships should be at the forefront of your priority list.  When we take things for granted, these things eventually get taken away.  Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.  Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to us by letting less important things take precedence over them on a daily basis.

Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.  You know who these people are.  They’re the ones who are always there with you in spirit – the ones who leave footprints in your thoughts and dreams.  They are the glue that binds a smile to your soul.  Treat them as such

7.  Ignoring your body’s needs.

The human body is the only machine for which there are no spare parts (unless you borrow them from someone else), so treat your body right.  Exercise to be fit, not skinny.  Eat to nourish yourself.  And always ignore the haters, doubters and unhealthy examples that were once feeding you.

Staying in shape is simpler than most people make it.  Body fat is dictated by what you eat and your activity.  Working out affects two things mainly: fat and muscle.  Aerobic exercise burns fat and builds a little muscle.  Weight training builds muscle and burns a little fat.  In most cases, if you’re overweight you’re eating too much of the wrong stuff and/or not exercising enough.

Also, keep in mind that your brain is part of your body too.  The human brain accounts for roughly 2% of the total mass of the human body, yet it consumes over 20% of the oxygen and nutrients the human body intakes.  So even if you don’t care what you’re body looks like, it makes sense to fuel your body with healthy food and keep your blood oxygen levels high with regular exercise.

Bottom line:  Take good care of your body.  It’s the only place you will ever truly live.

Afterthoughts

We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.  Realize that you are only destined to become one person – the person you choose to be in this moment.  Do well and feel good.  Do bad and feel bad.  It’s that simple.  So don’t be afraid to make necessary changes and start over.  Right now is a brand new opportunity to choose differently and build what you truly want.

Acquisition Ready?

As leaders of midmarket companies increasingly focus on the top line, a substantial number are considering acquisitions as part of their growth strategy.

There are several reasons to believe that M&A activity in the midmarket will see a notable uptick this year:

·       Improved access to and liquidity of debt capital

·       A perceived increase in the supply of potential targets as family-, entrepreneur-, and private equity-owned firms look for an exit strategy

·       Strength of the U.S. market relative to international alternatives

·       Attractive multiples

·       High levels of available capital from U.S.-based private equity firms, who are sitting on more than $400 billion in “dry powder” and increasingly see midmarket firms as appealing investment opportunities

A recent survey of 525 midmarket executives conducted on behalf of Deloitte LLP found that while the number of companies who cited “growing by acquisition” as being a “very likely” or “likely” path to growth this year is down slightly from 2012, nonetheless it remains the second most commonly cited strategic priority for 2013, topped only by “organic growth within existing markets.” (It’s worth noting that there has been a notable spike in the number of companies who describe themselves as “not looking but would consider a deal”.)

If an acquisition, be it domestic or global, appears to be an attractive option, companies should accept that such an undertaking will be time and capital intensive. But acquisitions can be a great way for companies to expand rapidly, achieve economies of scale, and acquire new customers, products, or enabling technologies. Acquiring a company in an emerging country, while far from simple, is now easier than in previous cycles because leading practices and precedents have emerged regarding tax laws, cross-border movements of money and goods, and other considerations.

“While many factors have been in and remain in buyers’ favor,” notes Kevin McFarlane, managing director for Deloitte Corporate Finance LLC, “what’s been missing has been a supply of willing sellers. Now these companies can point to several years of strong post-recession performance, which gives them confidence that they can meet their pricing expectations.”

Buyers may have to adjust theirs accordingly, but McFarlane believes that the supply and demand lines are about to cross. “There has been a lot of talk about an impending M&A boom for some time,” he says. “Over the next 12 to 18 months I think we’ll see that this time it’s for real.”