Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Being Discontented is a Choice!
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
―Abraham Lincoln―
Everyone experiences an unhappy mood on occasion, but there is a big difference between experiencing a temporary bout of unhappiness and living a habitually unhappy life. That’s what chronically unhappy people do. And although many of these people are afraid to admit it, a vast majority of their unhappiness stems from their own beliefs and behaviors.
Even if you are generally a happy person, take a look at the list below. Many of the unhappy people initially refused to admit that they carried these beliefs and behaviors, even when the evidence stacked against them was undeniable. See if any of these points are keeping you from experiencing greater amounts of joy.
1. They struggle with self-respect.
Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. Be your own best friend. Trust your inner spirit and follow your instincts. Accept who you are completely, the good and the bad, and make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the right thing to do, for YOU.
Be the person you will be happy to live with for the duration of your life. Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self-worth. Know that our first and last love is always self-love, and that if you can’t love and respect yourself; because no one else will be able to either.
2. They are self-conscious about what others think of them.
The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom and peace of mind. In fact, you can end half your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you want.
You have to put your life in your own hands. Others may be able hold your happiness hostage temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
3. They are holding on to old grudges.
You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart. Life is far too short to be spent in nursing bitterness and registering wrongs. Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are confident enough to stand on their own two legs and move on.
In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions. Nothing empowers your ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.
4. The routines they follow imprison them.
Remember that the way you’ve always done it isn’t the only way. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re 70 is not having consumed enough laughter in your 20s, or not having bought enough $6 lattes from Starbucks, or not having frequented the same restaurant for years. But the regret of missing out on opportunities is a real, toxic feeling.
The bottom line is that you’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve had enough lattes. It’s time to figure something else out. Every corner you turn or street you walk down has a new experience waiting for you. You just have to see the opportunity and be adventurous enough to run with it.
5. There’s a lot they can’t control (even though they try).
Life is often unpredictable. Some of the great moments in your life won’t necessarily be the things you do; they’ll be things that happen to you. That doesn’t mean you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life. You have to take action, and you will. But don’t forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change in an instant – for better or worse.
To an extent, the universe has a plan that’s always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain – it’s a scary thought, but it’s part of life’s cycle. All these little parts of the machine, constantly working – sometimes forcing you to struggle, and sometimes making sure you end up exactly in the right place at the right time.
6. They let their fears numb them from life’s goodness.
“Numbing” is any activity that you use to desensitize your feelings so that you don’t experience vulnerability or hurt. But by numbing yourself to vulnerability, you also numb yourself to love, belonging, empathy, creativity, adventure and all of life’s goodness.
Remember, every worthwhile venture in life – intimacy, friendship, a new business, etc. – is scary. These things are inherently risky. They are unsafe. These things aren’t for the faint of heart. They take courage. And most importantly, they can’t coexist with fear. When you open up to life’s greatest opportunities and joys it means you’re also giving life the opportunity to break your heart, but trusting that it won’t… that the risk is well worth the reward.
7. They are addicted to avoiding themselves in the present moment.
This is something we all struggle with sometimes. It’s also the root cause of nearly all of our unhappiness.
One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are. Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, alcohol, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.
We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like to escape from being. In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment. So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude. For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.
And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them. The bottom line is that we are all addicted to avoiding ourselves. Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it. So begin today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.
8. The grass isn’t greener anywhere else.
If you feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something happening somewhere else, you’re not alone. We all feel this way sometimes – like the grass is greener somewhere else at this very moment. But let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something wonderful might be happening elsewhere.
So let it go, and realize you have everything right now. The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment. Celebrate the perhaps not so insignificant fact that you are alive right now. This moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect. Take a deep breath, smile, and notice the green grass under your own two feet.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
How to Not Get Ahead!
“Not all those who
wander are lost.”
―J.R.R. Tolkien
―J.R.R. Tolkien
Sometimes
we find ourselves running in place, struggling to get ahead simply because we
confuse effort with achievement. If you’ve been feeling like you missed a
door somewhere and have thus been heading in the wrong direction, it’s likely
that you got caught up in this sort of confusion.
The
good news is, no matter how long you have traveled in the wrong direction, you
always have the choice to turn around. So make that choice today. Promise
yourself that you will NOT…
Follow a specific life path simply
to satisfy others.
Sometimes
we try to satisfy our parents, teachers, spouses and peers by walking a
particular path in spite of the fact that our own inner GPS advises
otherwise. Then, not surprisingly, we wake up one day and we feel
completely lost. If you’re feeling a little lost now, its time to change
course.
Life
is too short to spend all your time trying to make everyone else happy.
Besides, it’s impossible to please everyone all the time anyway. At some
point, you’ve got to stop caring about what everyone else wants for you, and
start actually living for yourself.
Make
choices that take your mind, body, and soul into consideration. You are
the only person who knows what’s best for you. It’s impossible for anyone
else to know. No matter how much you share with them, they are not
connected to your deepest desires, intuition, hopes and dreams. Always, listen to
yourself and what you want first.
Sacrifice all your present
happiness for future security.
Do
not fool yourself into believing that you must live the same day over and over
again for the rest of your life, simply because it’s the responsible thing to
do.
So
many people live daily with unhappy circumstances, and yet will not take the initiative
to change their situation. They somehow believe that conforming to their
current circumstances will eventually lead to a life of comfort, security, and
peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to their spirit.
Happiness
is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design into
the present. The very basic core of the human spirit is a natural passion
for exploration and growth. This growth originates directly from our
encounters with new ideas and experiences that intrigue us; and hence there is
no greater destination in life than to have an endlessly changing horizon – for
each day to have a new and different sun.
Focus intensely on not making
mistakes.
Don’t
commit to making fewer mistakes and commit to making more of them. Fail
forward. Mistakes in life are as certain as sunsets and detours. So
why exert energy avoiding the unavoidable? Embrace it. The truth is
you aren’t really free until you give yourself the freedom to make mistakes.
So liberate yourself! Shift your energy from protecting yourself from
failure to squeezing more living out of your life.
Get
real comfortable with that uneasy feeling of going against the grain and trying
something new. Doing so will always take you to places you never thought
you could go. Try new things, learn and explore freely. Your good
judgment comes from life experience, and life experience comes from your past
bad judgments. You need to have sufficient courage to make
mistakes. Disappointment and defeat are the tools life uses to show you
the way.
Spend your entire present trying to
fix a broken past.
The
past isn’t broken. It can’t possibly be. It no longer exists.
There is nothing to fix. There is, however, a present moment that can be
lived with presence and power.
Sometimes
life doesn’t give you what you want, not because you don’t deserve it, but
because you deserve better. No matter how many times you break down,
there should always be a little voice inside you that says, “NO, you’re not
done yet! Get back up!” That’s the voice of presence and power,
which can only speak for you in the present moment. What you need to
realize is, life is a journey, often difficult and sometimes incredibly cruel;
but you are well equipped for it as long as you tap into your inner strength in
the present, and allow it to flourish forward.
Resist life’s realities that don’t
align with your expectations.
Stop
stressing over what could have been. The chances are if it should have
been, it would have been. Life unfolds in unpredictable ways for a
reason. What happens isn’t good or bad. It simply is.
Happiness
is about trusting that what has happened has long-term positive, rather than
negative, connotations. Trust that life is happening for you, not to
you. This “inverse paranoia” of believing everything is for the greater
good helps the human spirit face and welcome life’s turbulent changes
cheerfully.
The
bottom line is that we’re wired to expect the world to be brighter and more
meaningful and more obviously interesting than it often is. If you can
learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself, others and the
world around you, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.
Attempt to find the easy shortcut
to your goals and dreams.
There
is no easy shortcut to anywhere worth going. You must be willing to make
sacrifices. It’s a process! It’s a process! It’s a
process! Ingrain this in your mind. Achievement takes time.
Success, like washboard abs, is the outcome of a habit. It’s the relentless
daily practice of making small, diligent choices that add up in the long
run. It’s about following through and doing what you said you would do
even when no one would notice but you, and knowing in your heart why doing so
matters.
In
a nutshell, when it comes to working hard to achieve a big life goal of any
kind – earning a degree, building a business, or some other personal
achievement that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself
is: “Am I willing to live a few years of my life like many people won’t,
so I can spend the rest of my life like many people can’t?”
Win the approval and admiration of
the wrong people.
You
cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected. The rest
is up to them. No matter how much you care some people just won’t care
back. It’s not the end of the world. At some point you have to
realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe
you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
Likewise,
don’t waste too much of your time with people who are not supportive of your
goals and abilities. Surround yourself with those who believe in your
potential. Anyone who inspires you to make your half-hearted attempts
more whole-hearted through passion and love is a precious friend and
teacher. These people are out there. Find them and conquer the
world together
Keep waiting for the right time.
You
cannot wait for the perfect time; it will never come. If you think now
feels like the wrong time, think again its just uncertainty messing with your
mind. Most of the time you must simply dare to jump.
Today
is the first day of a new beginning – the conception of a new life. The
next nine months are all yours. You can do with them as you please.
Make them count; because a new person is born in nine months. The
only question is: Who do you want that person to be?
Right
now is the right time to decide.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
What You Do Not Need To Be Happy!
“You will never be happy if you continue to search for
what happiness consists of. You will never truly live if you are forever
looking for the meaning of life.”
―Albert Camus―
This
summer we had my nephew and his wife over our house to spend a week with
us. They have two wonderful kids,
one girl age 6 and one boy age 3.
One afternoon we were in my “man cave” where I have guitars, drums, and
assorted makers of joy in my life.
They wanted to play the drums.
I have two kits set up, one digital and one acoustic. I sat them down at their respective
thrones and cranked up War’s “Low Rider” on the stereo (full volume). They had a blast pounding away at the
drums and surprisingly showed great musical promise! This reminded me of
how, as children, we need very little to make us happy.
As
adults we somehow grow into the belief that we need everything to be a certain
way in order to find and appreciate moments of happiness. But the truth
is, to be happy we need much less than we think we need. In fact, I
believe one of the best feelings comes when you realize that you can be
perfectly OK and happy without the things you once thought you needed.
And that’s precisely what this short article is about – the things you do NOT
need to be happy:
Ideal circumstances
The
happiest people do not live with a certain set of circumstances, but rather
with a certain set of attitudes. Choosing to be positive and grateful for
what you have now is going to determine how you’re going to live the rest of
your life. So look for something positive today, right now! Even if
you have to look a little harder than usual, it still exists.
Ultimately,
your greatest achievements are moments in time when what you’re doing allows
you to see how wonderful your life already is.
Everyone’s approval
The biggest
prison you will likely ever live in is your fear of what other people think.
You
cannot let other people tell you who you are or what you want. You have
to decide that for yourself. When you’re making big decisions, remember,
what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people
think of you. Don’t let others make you feel guilty for living your life.
It’s YOUR life. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, live it YOUR
way.
Fulfillment
and success in life lie in your ability to use your entire mind to achieve your
goals, dreams and desires. Take sufficient time to spend with yourself,
without external interference. You’re worth it.
A perfect past
Do not
let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your present and future?
Let go, forgive and move forward. Just because the past didn’t turn out
like you had hoped, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you had
envisioned. In fact, we often grow stronger in the places we were once
broken. Because it’s not until you’re broken for a while that you truly
learn what you’re made of on the inside. And this insight gives you the
ability to rebuild yourself, stronger than ever before.
Most
of the time the only difference between long-term happiness and long-term despair
is not quitting on you. As long as you are breathing it’s never too late.
Today is a new beginning.
Full control of life’s constant
changes
Life
is constantly changing and we’re changing with it. We’re not the same
person we were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. Life’s cycle doesn’t
stop. Change is what it’s all about. But every ending is the
beginning of something else. Every exit is an entry somewhere else.
Live, learn, and let go. Don’t hold yourself down with the changes you
can’t control.
Although
some forces are out of your control, you can control how you react to things.
Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether you’re happy or not
depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. The best thing you can do
is to let go of what you can’t control, and invest your energy in the things
you can. Live simply, love generously, speak truthfully, breathe deeply,
do your best, and leave the rest to the powers above you
A carefree, stress-free life
Great
challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.
Don’t wait until everything is just right; it will never be perfect.
There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions.
So what! Get started now! With each step you take, you will grow
stronger and stronger, more skilled, more confident, and more successful.
Shout
it: “I am determined to live a happy life no matter my challenges!
I will turn all my tales of fury into tales of glory! I will turn all of
my tales of woe into tales of WOW!” And no matter what happens, just do
your best and appreciate what you’re learning. You won’t enjoy your life
if you don’t enjoy your challenges.
All the things you don’t have
You
are right here, right now, with what you have, breathing. Enjoy it.
You’ve got nothing to do today except to smile.
Happiness
is valuing what you have, and enjoying the people, places, objects and events
in your life for what they are. It’s not about changing and achieving all
the time; sometimes it’s about being and appreciating. And you can nearly
always enjoy the things you have and the events happening around you if you make
up your mind determinedly that you will.
A mountain of money
If we
counted our blessings more often, instead of our money, we would be a lot
richer. Keep money on your mind but out of your heart. Never get so
busy making a living that you forget to make a life for yourself.
Cultivate your spiritual growth. The real measure of your wealth is how
much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.
▪
Happiness formula = Do your
best and appreciate what you have.
▪
Unhappiness formula =
Compare yourself to others and the things they have.
It’s
nice to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s also important
to make sure you haven’t lost track of the things that money can’t buy.
You don’t need a lot of money to lead a rich life. Good friends and a
loving family are worth their weight in gold. It really is the little
things that mean the most… like a long hug at just the right time
An event happening in another time
and place
Make
your time count. Do not wish your moments away. Do not ruin today
by focusing on another time and place. There is only now; realize how
rich you are in it.
Right
now you are creating history – your legacy. Don’t let life slip by
without being aware of it. Life works in a strange way: You want
something and you work and wait and work and wait, and feel like it’s taking
forever to come. Then it happens and it’s over and all you want to do is
relive all the great memories you made along the way.
Happiness
is the journey. Open your eyes. Don’t miss it.
Constant happiness
The
bottom line is that you can’t be happy unless you’re unhappy sometimes. Living
a life is imperfect, and the utopian world of constant happiness in not
natural, nor should you expect it.
In the
short-term, your mood will fluctuate, but it is your ability to realize and
deal with these fluctuations that allows you to maintain long-term happiness.
Any fool can be happy when times are good. It takes a strong soul with
real heart to develop smiles out of situations that make most people weep.
But it is possible.
Live
every day of your life in full. Experience the highs and the lows, the
positives and the negatives, and all the moods present between the various
extremes. Don’t focus on simply being happy. Focus on living a well
rounded, seasoned life. Focus on achieving completeness. Yes,
happiness is part of this completeness, but so are sadness, difficulty,
frustration, and failure. And overcoming these latter points supports
your personal growth far more than constant happiness!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Being Discontented is a Choice
“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to
be.”
―Abraham Lincoln―
Everyone
experiences an unhappy mood on occasion, but there is a big difference between
experiencing a temporary bout of unhappiness and living a habitually unhappy
life. That’s what chronically unhappy people do. And although many
of these people are afraid to admit it, a vast majority of their unhappiness
stems from their own beliefs and behaviors.
Even
if you are generally a happy person, take a look at the list below. Many
of the unhappy people initially refused to admit that they carried these
beliefs and behaviors, even when the evidence stacked against them was
undeniable. See if any of these points are keeping you from experiencing
greater amounts of joy.
1. They struggle with self-respect.
Decide
this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that
you should be showing yourself. Be your own best friend. Trust your
inner spirit and follow your instincts. Accept who you are completely, the
good and the bad, and make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because
you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the
right thing to do, for YOU.
Be the
person you will be happy to live with for the duration of your life.
Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and
self-worth. Know that our first and last love is always self-love, and
that if you can’t love and respect yourself; because no one else will be able
to either.
2. They are self-conscious about what others
think of them.
The
minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else
thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you
will finally feel freedom and peace of mind. In fact, you can end half
your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you
want.
You
have to put your life in your own hands. Others may be able hold your
happiness hostage temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
3. They are holding on to old grudges.
You
will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt
that lives in your heart. Life is far too short to be spent in nursing
bitterness and registering wrongs. Grudges are for those who insist that
they are owed something; forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are
confident enough to stand on their own two legs and move on.
In
order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no
longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and
pushing your spirit forward with good intentions. Nothing empowers your
ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.
4. The routines they follow imprison them.
Remember
that the way you’ve always done it isn’t the only way. It’s unlikely that
one of the things you’ll regret when you’re 70 is not having consumed enough laughter
in your 20s, or not having bought enough $6 lattes from Starbucks, or not
having frequented the same restaurant for years. But the regret of
missing out on opportunities is a real, toxic feeling.
The
bottom line is that you’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve had
enough lattes. It’s time to figure something else out. Every corner
you turn or street you walk down has a new experience waiting for you.
You just have to see the opportunity and be adventurous enough to run with it.
5. There’s a lot they can’t control (even
though they try).
Life
is often unpredictable. Some of the great moments in your life won’t
necessarily be the things you do; they’ll be things that happen to you.
That doesn’t mean you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your
life. You have to take action, and you will. But don’t forget that
on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change in
an instant – for better or worse.
To an
extent, the universe has a plan that’s always in motion. A butterfly
flaps its wings and it starts to rain – it’s a scary thought, but it’s part of
life’s cycle. All these little parts of the machine, constantly working –
sometimes forcing you to struggle, and sometimes making sure you end up exactly
in the right place at the right time.
6. They let their fears numb them from life’s
goodness.
“Numbing”
is any activity that you use to desensitize your feelings so that you don’t
experience vulnerability or hurt. But by numbing yourself to
vulnerability, you also numb yourself to love, belonging, empathy, creativity,
adventure and all of life’s goodness.
Remember,
every worthwhile venture in life – intimacy, friendship, a new business, etc. –
is scary. These things are inherently risky. They are unsafe.
These things aren’t for the faint of heart. They take courage. And
most importantly, they can’t coexist with fear. When you open up to
life’s greatest opportunities and joys it means you’re also giving life the
opportunity to break your heart, but trusting that it won’t… that the risk is
well worth the reward.
7. They are addicted to avoiding themselves in
the present moment.
This
is something we all struggle with sometimes. It’s also the root cause of
nearly all of our unhappiness.
One of
the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to
just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are. Too often we
needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, alcohol,
shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell
phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in
the current moment.
We use
compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like to
escape from being. In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid
the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment. So we succumb
to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.
For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness,
anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement,
despair, and so on and so forth.
And it
doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are
overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.
The bottom line is that we are all addicted to avoiding ourselves.
Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it. So begin
today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in
which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present
moment we call life.
8. The grass isn’t greener anywhere else.
If you
feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something
happening somewhere else, you’re not alone. We all feel this way
sometimes – like the grass is greener somewhere else at this very moment.
But let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel
around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long
without sleep, but you could never do it all. You will always be missing
something, and thus it will always seem like something wonderful might be happening
elsewhere.
So let
it go, and realize you have everything right now. The best in life isn’t
somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment. Celebrate the
perhaps not so insignificant fact that you are alive right now. This
moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect. Take a deep breath,
smile, and notice the green grass under your own two feet.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Eliminating the Poor Choices in Life
“We
become what we repeatedly do.”
―Aristotle
Are
you tired of dealing with the same type of grief over and over and over again?
If so,
it’s time to purge a few bad habits. It’s time to learn from your
mistakes rather than be conquered by them, and let your errors be of commission
rather than omission.
It’s
time to cut out the habits that have been holding you back, change the tune,
clean the house, and get rid of the dust and dirt. Stop denying yourself
a fair chance at a good life. Stop being who you were, and become who you
truly are.
When
you stop doing the wrong things, the right things start happening. Take
the following habits and flip the switch:
1. Keeping all
the pressure of your thoughts inside you.
Even
if someone has known you for your entire life, it is impossible for him or her
to know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. They can’t feel
something for you or know exactly how your mind is processing thoughts.
They could invest every bit of their energy over the course of their entire
lifetime in an attempt to achieve this understanding, but in the end they would
fall short.
This
is precisely why you need to open up and speak your mind to a supportive
confidant who will listen to you without judgment. Only then will they
get a momentary, unfiltered glimpse into your soul. Only then will you
feel the pressure of your thoughts subside.
If you
feel extremely stressed or even a bit depressed, then you’re likely feeling
very alone. It’s vital that you talk to someone who is sympathetic,
whether this person is your spouse, parent, sibling, a good therapist, or just
a trusted friend. So many people suffer in silence and feel that they
would be a burden to others if they spoke up about their troubling thoughts.
Understand
that your mental health is vital and everyone needs a helping hand and a
listening ear sometimes. In fact, helping one another is a big part of
what makes us human, so opening up and asking for assistance is one way of
enabling someone close to you to realize their own humanity.
2. Holding “you”
to impossible standards.
Be
fair to yourself. Perfectionism is a trap. Your expectations need
to expand and contract as circumstances in your life change. When you
learn to give yourself a break and feel okay about not being able to live up to
impossible standards, then you can begin to get the worry-free rest your mind
and body so badly need.
You
will always be perfectly imperfect just the way you are, wherever you are.
Instead of berating yourself for falling short, give yourself credit for making
progress. Grow as you go. Let go of how things “should be” so you
can see all the great possibilities in front of you.
It’s
also important to note that there’s no such thing as perfect happiness, just as
there’s no such thing as perfect despair. This is why trying to be
perfect is an exercise in futility. What does exist, however, is a
continuous series of imperfect moments in your life filled with infinite
possibilities and opportunities for you to interpret them and do with them as
you please.
You
can pave the road you travel with doubt and despair or hope and happiness.
It’s your choice. Either way, you will someday arrive at the same
destination. The only question is: Do you want to arrive with a
frown or a smile?
3. Always
going and going and going…
When
you get too caught up in the busyness of your daily routine, you lose
connection with the important people in your life, and yourself. You end
up filling all your waking hours, and then you fool yourself into believing you
are relaxing when you’re merely moving from one of your daily labors to the
next.
Relaxation
is the key to mental and physical recovery. Stopping for a while and
taking time to relax when you feel like things are getting out of control will
gradually allow your mind and body to feel restored and reenergized again, thus
allowing you to reconnect with the right inner mindset and the people and
things that matter most to you.
How do
you relax? There are many ways, but the foundation of all of them is
focused breathing. Your breath is the bridge between your life
circumstances and your consciousness; it unites your body and your thoughts.
Whenever your thinking becomes scattered with the worries and stress of
busyness, use your breath as the means to take hold of your thoughts again.
Just breathe, be present, and do your best with what’s in front of you.
4. Changing
nothing and expecting different results.
There’s
a saying that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over
again and expecting different results. If you want to improve yourself,
you have to try new things to see what works and what doesn’t.
If you
keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
Inspiration is great, but it must be met by dedicated action. Changes
must be invoked and implemented. The difference between what is
impossible and possible for you lies in what you do and how determined you are.
Often
the difference between a successful person and a person who struggles to
implement positive changes is not one’s superior abilities, but the courage
that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take calculated risks, and to take
steady steps forward. In other words, some people sit and wait for the
magic beans to arrive while the rest of us just get up and get to work.
So ask
yourself: What’s going to be different today? How do you want your
life to be from here on out?
5.
Procrastinating and then doing 99 things at once.
Do you
plan your days? Did you wake up today knowing what you wanted to
accomplish? If not, maybe it’s time you do.
The
way you spend your time defines who you are. You don’t get to choose how
you are going to die or when; you can only decide how you are going to live
right now. Trust me, a year from now you will wish you had managed your
time properly today.
What
would you regret not accomplishing this year? What would you regret doing
an abysmal job at, simply because you waited until the last minute and then
rushed around doing 99 things at once? Create a plan and get started
today.
Planning
doesn’t have to be long and tedious; it can just be a 60 second process.
Every night, think about a few small things that you want to accomplish
tomorrow and write them down. When you wake up the next morning, review
this list before you do anything else, and then take the first step.
Remember,
we only have two choices when we wake up in the morning: either we go
back to sleep and dream, or we wake up and chase a dream. In the end it
doesn’t matter what you’re thinking, it matters what you’re doing.
Whatever you want to accomplish, it’s time to get started now.
6. Ignoring
the people you love.
When
life gets busy, it’s easy to put the most important people on the back burner,
because you know they’ll wait for you. Right?
Wrong.
Your important relationships should be at the forefront of your priority list.
When we take things for granted, these things eventually get taken away.
Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone. Too often it
seems we hurt the ones closest to us by letting less important things take
precedence over them on a daily basis.
Appreciate
what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how
much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you. You
know who these people are. They’re the ones who are always there with you
in spirit – the ones who leave footprints in your thoughts and dreams.
They are the glue that binds a smile to your soul. Treat them as such
7. Ignoring
your body’s needs.
The
human body is the only machine for which there are no spare parts (unless you
borrow them from someone else), so treat your body right. Exercise to be
fit, not skinny. Eat to nourish yourself. And always ignore the
haters, doubters and unhealthy examples that were once feeding you.
Staying
in shape is simpler than most people make it. Body fat is dictated by
what you eat and your activity. Working out affects two things mainly:
fat and muscle. Aerobic exercise burns fat and builds a little muscle.
Weight training builds muscle and burns a little fat. In most cases, if
you’re overweight you’re eating too much of the wrong stuff and/or not
exercising enough.
Also,
keep in mind that your brain is part of your body too. The human brain
accounts for roughly 2% of the total mass of the human body, yet it consumes
over 20% of the oxygen and nutrients the human body intakes. So even if
you don’t care what you’re body looks like, it makes sense to fuel your body
with healthy food and keep your blood oxygen levels high with regular exercise.
Bottom
line: Take good care of your body. It’s the only place you will
ever truly live.
Afterthoughts
We all
make choices, but in the end our choices make us. Realize that you are
only destined to become one person – the person you choose to be in this
moment. Do well and feel good. Do bad and feel bad. It’s that
simple. So don’t be afraid to make necessary changes and start over.
Right now is a brand new opportunity to choose differently and build what you
truly want.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Acquisition Ready?
As
leaders of midmarket companies increasingly focus on the top line, a
substantial number are considering acquisitions as part of their growth
strategy.
There
are several reasons to believe that M&A activity in the midmarket will see
a notable uptick this year:
·
Improved
access to and liquidity of debt capital
·
A
perceived increase in the supply of potential targets as family-,
entrepreneur-, and private equity-owned firms look for an exit strategy
·
Strength
of the U.S. market relative to international alternatives
·
Attractive
multiples
·
High
levels of available capital from U.S.-based private equity firms, who are
sitting on more than $400 billion in “dry powder” and increasingly see
midmarket firms as appealing investment opportunities
A recent survey of
525 midmarket executives conducted on behalf of Deloitte LLP found that while
the number of companies who cited “growing by acquisition” as being a “very
likely” or “likely” path to growth this year is down slightly from 2012,
nonetheless it remains the second most commonly cited strategic priority for
2013, topped only by “organic growth within existing markets.” (It’s worth
noting that there has been a notable spike in the number of companies who
describe themselves as “not looking but would consider a deal”.)
If an acquisition, be
it domestic or global, appears to be an attractive option, companies should
accept that such an undertaking will be time and capital intensive. But
acquisitions can be a great way for companies to expand rapidly, achieve
economies of scale, and acquire new customers, products, or enabling
technologies. Acquiring a company in an emerging country, while far from
simple, is now easier than in previous cycles because leading practices and
precedents have emerged regarding tax laws, cross-border movements of money and
goods, and other considerations.
“While many factors
have been in and remain in buyers’ favor,” notes Kevin McFarlane, managing
director for Deloitte Corporate Finance LLC, “what’s been missing has been a
supply of willing sellers. Now these companies can point to several years of
strong post-recession performance, which gives them confidence that they can
meet their pricing expectations.”
Buyers may have to
adjust theirs accordingly, but McFarlane believes that the supply and demand
lines are about to cross. “There has been a lot of talk about an impending
M&A boom for some time,” he says. “Over the next 12 to 18 months I think we’ll
see that this time it’s for real.”
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